Rocky Stole My Homework

Mom, this one is for you. Happy Mother's Day!

Memory Montage Scene: A spring day in 1990.

I'm in second grade; Mrs. Casino's class. She likes giraffes. I like to spell. I finish my work early, go turn in my homework in the designated "homework- in" spot, and go out to play. While I was out playing, Rocky (that's what he introduced himself as, his name was Joseph) stole my homework, erased my name, and wrote in his. Fortunately for me, Rocky was too lazy to be thorough. I come back, drop something else off, and see my homework… with Rocky's name.

Having never learned to "shut up and take it", I took it to Mrs. Casino with some classic seven-year old rage. Rocky alleged that he began writing "Joseph" and then erased it to write "Rocky" in its' place. The teacher didn't buy this for a second, because Rocky was a miserable speller, and this was PERFECT. My spelling? The best in the class. Oh yeah, and the visible "Ja.." that he hadn't erased thoroughly.

I took this near-injustice to my mother when I got home, expecting sympathy, or some such motherly thing. I tell the story, and my mother laughs and says, "At least he knew whose homework to steal!"

Of course, seven-year old rage returns, and I say, deeply hurt, "I bet you're not my real mother! My REAL mother would be upset, too!"

"Oh, no! How did you find out?" My mother acts shocked. My face falls as I realize that I have uncovered MY OWN ADOPTION.

"I was hoping to keep it from you," started my mother, "But now you've found me out!"

"You see, one day, I was trolling a bog for a prince, picking up frogs and kissing them, hoping that one would be a prince. I saw this big, red, bullfrog, so I picked him up and gave him a smooch. There was a puff of smoke, lights flashed, and poof! There was your father. Not a prince. Then I saw this little red tadpole, so I picked it up, gave it a kiss, puff of smoke, flash of lights, and poof! You. I figured I would keep the two of you. Your real mother is a toad somewhere."

Ribbit!