Some Body Image Distortion, for your reading pleasure

Yesterday it was practically tropical, not only outside, but inside my office. Especially while I was courting the * other * photocopier. You see, they took my photocopier, my close and personal friend, which you know if you're a regular reader here at Better Than Yarn. They took it away, and now I have to sweet-talk another one.

So, I'm photocopying away, and it is getting warmer and warmer. I'm in a long-sleeved blouse, jeans, wool socks, and boots (since it's been Arctic in Silicon Valley). I start to feel… squishy. I slog back to my office, take off my shoes and socks (which helped some), but it was so warm I felt like peeling off my clothes and hoping nobody noticed (unlikely, my door has a full-length glass panel in it). I make it home, change into something more comfortable, and decide to wear a dress today.

I get dressed, in a cute spring dress, light sweater and sandals. I've worn the dress before; it's cute, I look cute in it. However, as I walk up to the doors at work, I look a foot tall and five feet wide. I have concluded that we have "fat glass" at work; glass that reflects a much fatter version of one's self. For the first time in my life, I thought I looked simply huge. H-U-G-E.

Memory Montage Scene

This reminded me of Stitches West '05. My mother pimped me out to Rick (for a t-shirt) to be a dresser for the fashion show, since they had lost one. Rick and I had spent the entire previous summer together, during my internship. Good, bad, or indifferent, he knew I was reliable and found my mother first.

February 15th, 2005 was a huge day for me. I got hired for my first job out of college that day, and we brought Niki home from the rescue. I knew ahead of time that we were picking up Niki, but I didn't know about the job until that day. My day started at 7 AM, where I got up and met the girls for breakfast at Starbucks before the show, and ended at 11:30, when Andrew picked me up after the show- with Niki in the car.

These women were all six feet tall, and they weighed MAYBE 110 lbs. Now, I'm 5' 1 ½" and between 110 and 125 lbs (I don't believe in scales, so we don't have one at home). Compared to these "women" (they looked more like aliens, with big heads and skinny little bodies), I felt like a hobbit; short, round, and complete with furry feet.

The sad thing was that the models had these sad, sagging little "breasts" (it's a mystery of physics how so little flesh can sag), and no butt. This is the standard of beauty that I should aspire to?

Sure; as we speak, I'm trying to grow to be six feet tall. Once I hit six feet, then I'm crash-dieting to get to that perfect weight of 110 lbs. Not one second before. Until then, I'll cope with my hobbit status.

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