Saw II, or, the Attack of the Implausible Sequel

I am a crazy masochist when it comes to movies. If I liked the original, I'll watch the sequel, most of the time. I shouldn't be surprised when they're terrible, but I find myself drawn to rent these atrocities, time after time.

Don't get me wrong, there have been some great sequels, like X2 and Austin Powers 2. Saw II? Worth skipping if you liked the complexity of the original.

Unlike the first movie, they spend WAAY too long building up the relationship between Eric and his son, Daniel. Now, because I didn't care about the demise of their father/son relationship, I spent the whole time saying "Is that Mark E. Mark?" No ladies, it's his little brother, Donnie Wahlberg, of New Kids on the Block Fame.

Anyway, a handful of unsavory characters end up in an abandoned house (where does one find SO MANY abandoned houses?) with their instructions on how to "beat" the game. Of course, only one of these characters knows what is going on- Amanda (played by Shawnee Smith, who is on Becker), because she survived the first movie. She is the only one to have EVER survived "Jigsaw" 's game. My first questions was why he would capture her again, she "passed" the test.

Ah, but the twists. Mostly everyone dies, because they're miserable bastards, except for Amanda, Daniel, and this crazy huge WWF guy. They end up on the set of the first Saw movie, and the bodies are there, decomposing, since none of them escaped. Daniel does this crazy move with a saw, kills the huge guy, and you expect the "hero" (Donnie Wahlberg, I know, I laughed at this idea too) to come bursting in and let them know they're saved.

But alas, Jigsaw is 15 steps ahead of everyone, as usual. Pesky Jigsaw. It turns out, Amanda has this crazy version of Munchausen syndrome, and not only is she GREATFUL for her near-death experience, but she has taken on her captor as the father-figure she was lacking. So watch out, ladies. If you had bad or absent fathers, you too may find yourself with a serial killer as your paternal substitute.

Jigsaw dies of cancer, Amanda takes over the "family business", and Donnie Wahlberg sets up the third sequel. Oh, and the son lives happily ever after.