Please, can I have the pleasure of wiping for you as well?

I'm on a bunch of e-mail lists for various yarn stores across the country. So when an e-mail from one of the locals popped up, I took a look. To protect the stupid, I'm not posting the name of the yarn store (but will gladly share it if asked over e-mail), but within the text of their announcements/advertisement was the following:

"If you're stuck on your holiday project, we'll help you over the hurdle. If you're not stuck, but just tired of knitting, let us knit a few rows for you to give you a break."

OMFFSM! (Oh My Flipping Flying Spaghetti Monster) I think these poor fools have NO idea what they're in for. All of their clueless, trendy knitters showing up in hopes of getting their projects knitted FOR them!

I don't mind people who want help, but people who expect me to do their knitting for them usually find me a bit unpleasant. I don't mind when people take credit for their own work that I've helped with, but I do mind- very much- when people want to hand me their knitting to do an "expert" job, and then want to take credit for themselves. Homie don't play that, yo.

The sick thing is that we're going to get complaints that we aren't offering the same, "Please, we'll do the knitting FOR you," policy. Do these crazy people not have enough going on in their own knitterly lives that they're itching to help finish projects for the poor planners who frequent their establishment?

Nevermind the fact that people's gauge is so very different that this nice "offer" may make the project look even worse. "See this section? The one without mistakes, that's all even? A PROFESSIONAL did that." Nice. At least if it's consistant, it's easier to cover up.

That's why I start any holiday knitting in May. So that I don't have this last minute holiday panic. Maybe I can teach a class on time management...

-Santa's meanest elf